Why am I even existing?” “What is the point of all of this?” These were questions my client posed to me
as she sat across the table in our therapy room just yesterday, narrating how it was becoming
increasingly difficult for her to adjust at her workplace. From where she was looking at her life, she felt
over worked yet under-appreciated. The work politics, pressure and lack of basic human sensitivity in
her peer group made her question whether it was all worth it.
As I sat there and listened to her intently, I found myself reflecting on what made such a bright, capable,
creative, sincere and intelligent girl, a doctor herself, ask these questions with such a piercing sense of
agony. She wanted answers. She felt she wasn’t getting what she deserved and that felt unfair.
It occurred to me that she was at an important crossroad in her life. Life has a way of presenting each of
us with many challenges. At some point, these challenges trigger something within, and we start asking
questions. Whether we choose to answer these questions and how we choose to answer them can
shape our lives. Do we hold on to the pain, perpetuating the feeling of being a victim; do we ignore the
pain or do we decide to take charge and do things differently? It all boils down to the choices we make.
I wondered whether giving her this advise would help. I remembered what it felt like for me when I felt
stuck, helpless and overwhelmed. With my mother ailing from cancer and father having suffered a
stroke, each day of work during the pandemic saw me return from hospital with a sense of panic,
paranoia, fear and guilt. The pain and turmoil felt real, it seemed unfair. I remember asking myself the
same question then that my client asked me now. “What is the point of all of this?
It was then that I decided I needed answers. I kept looking, and something within me changed. I am
better now. I did two things which helped me tremendously: I started looking within for a space of calm
in the chaos. It took time, but it was in there, and it started responding to my questions. It felt right to
trust the answers that came through from this space of calm within. The second thing I did consciously is
that I increased my association with people, things, books, blogs and content that resonated with this
space of calm within. This is what helped me to make that shift- from agony to acceptance, from
resistance to surrender, from fear to faith, from anger to awareness, from confusion to clarity and that
space of calm.
This approach I adopted is what I understood as spirituality. I shared the word ‘spirituality’ with my
client. Her response, “I am not into spirituality. I can’t stop my thoughts and just meditate. I don’t know
if these affirmations/ chanting and all works. What is the evidence? I don’t have the time. Maybe it’s not
for me.”
As I observed her, a quote I had read popped up into my head: “We are not human beings having a
spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Maybe this resistance was a
part of the human experience. I silently accepted it then, but it made me question the notion of
spirituality in a general context.
So, what is spirituality? Is it really about monks and meditation, prayers and practices, chants, crystals
and cleansing, or rituals and religion?
Maybe it is about all these things, but maybe it is about something beyond these things too. The way I
understand it, spirituality is a journey of self-expression. Each of us has an inherent need for freedom
and full expression. Being human, we seek expression through our emotions and actions. We all seek
ways to express ourselves through our speech, grooming, behavior, creativity and manner of relating to
ourselves and the world around. The way we do so is unique to us. Being spiritual involves looking
within to seek an understanding of one’s own true self and expressing it with complete awareness,
integrity and authenticity. There can’t be a “one- size fits all” approach when it comes to spirituality. The
expression of Source is unique in each of us and it is this expression that spirituality celebrates. It allows
one to reconnect with oneself and the world around through the space of unconditional love,
acceptance and compassion.
It is time we break out of our inhibitions on spirituality and reach out to that spark of Source within that
feels spontaneous, light, authentic and expansive. It is time we recognize the loving, steady flow of
Source through us with every breath of life we breathe. It is time we trust what lies within us, and make
responsible & mindful choices for ourselves that celebrate our own existence. That is the only way we
can stop questioning it.
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